


To Be Still in the Storm

by AllTheFoolsFallInLove



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Derek is a Good Alpha, Kira's not in this one, M/M, Nobody is Dead, Puppy Piles, Stiles Stilinski Has Low Self-Esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1782700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheFoolsFallInLove/pseuds/AllTheFoolsFallInLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles was not one without limitations. He just chose to ignore them. He had been told that he would never be able to do well in school due to his ADHD. He ignored the limitation. He had been told that he would never make first line at lacrosse. He ignored the limitation. He had been told that he would never win the heart of Lydia Martin. He ignored the limitation. Granted he won her heart in a strictly platonic way but these are mere details. </p><p>The one limitation that Stiles knew he would be unable to ignore was the one that he so desperately wished didn't exist. Stiles was not Pack.</p><p>No one had told him, no one had had to. It was an unspoken barrier between himself and those he thought of as his friends. Sure he did research, of course he fought beside them, obviously he took care of them, but the one thing he could never be was one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be Still in the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> I of course own nothing.   
> Just to clear up any questions Stiles is about 18-19 in this fic. Jackson never left, the Alphas never came, Derek is still Alpha (he'll always be the alpha to me), everyone is one big happy pack, and the Sheriff knows. I also had the idea that he could kinda tell that Stiles and Derek were gone on each other and that's why he's so chill about stuff. I hope you enjoy!

Stiles was not one without limitations. He just chose to ignore them. He had been told that he would never be able to do well in school due to his ADHD. He ignored the limitation. He had been told that he would never make first line at lacrosse. He ignored the limitation. He had been told that he would never win the heart of Lydia Martin. He ignored the limitation. Granted he won her heart in a strictly platonic way but these are mere details. 

The one limitation that Stiles knew he would be unable to ignore was the one that he so desperately wished didn't exist. Stiles was not Pack.

No one had told him, no one had had to. It was an unspoken barrier between himself and those he thought of as his friends. Sure he did research, of course he fought beside them, obviously he took care of them, but the one thing he could never be was one of them. 

He was constantly afraid of overstepping himself and his place as an ally to the Pack. After any battle he would stay long enough to make sure everyone was healing correctly and then turn tail and return to his own home to see to his own wounds. He was invited to pack meetings but only as an onlooker, never as a pack mate. He stayed long enough for the debrief of the dangers of the week but never stayed for the movies, game nights, or dinners that always followed. 

It wasn't because he was human. He knew that humans were essential to the Pack. Allison was a human, Lydia was technically a Banshee but 95% of the time she seemed like a normal human so it counted. Both of the girls were useful, though. Allison with her bow and Lydia because of the other 5% of the time. Stiles was nothing. Sure he was Scott's best friend but there was no room for the random friend of one beta in the Pack. 

Stiles knew his limitations. He saw this particular limitation everyday in the casual touches between the Pack. The way Erica would ruffle Isaac's curls, the way Boyd would wrap an arm around Erica, the way Jackson would settle his hand on Scott's shoulder. They were even tactile with the girls. At any given time any one of the wolves would reach over to Lydia or Allison simply to run a hand over a forearm or give their hand a squeeze. 

Even Derek the Sourwolf would participate. The alpha was never shy about resting his hand on the back of a Packmates neck or shoulder, whether it be a sign of support or simply an excuse to spread the scent of Pack.  
The point was no one ever touched Stiles in the friendly and familiar manner that they touched each other. In fact more than once Stiles had noticed a wolf going out of their way to avoid touching Stiles. Only Scott or Lydia would even come close. No, Stiles was not pack, that much was clear. The problem was no one had told the Pack this.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Stiles was quickly and efficiently repacking his bag after presenting his findings to the Pack. He didn't want to overstay his welcome and have the Pack cut ties completely. 

"Why don't you stay for the movie Stiles?" Scott was the best. “It’s Lydia’s pick; we’re watching The Notebook.” Okay maybe not so much. If he had been quick before he was down-right speedy now. 

"It's cool man, I really should go finish the research; you never know when a wendigo might pop into town." He couldn't bring himself to look at the rest of the Pack, he could already imagine the looks on their faces. Scott would look hopeful, maybe Allison as well. Lydia would be annoyed, as would Jackson but he would be glaring at Scott. Erica, Boyd, and Isaac would be having a silent conversation over how useless Stiles was. And Derek... he would look disappointed that maybe Stiles would stick around. 

"Stiles," oh look there's that disappointed-Derek voice, "I think-" 

"Yeah yeah Sourwolf calm yourself, I'm headed out, no need to tell me." Because that's where that sentence was going right? 'I think you should leave', 'I think you should stay away from my pack', 'I think you're going to fuck everything up and get my pack killed.' 

Stiles was out the door and halfway down the stairs before anyone could react. If he had looked up before speaking he would have seen the hopeful looks on not only Scott and Allison's faces, but on everyone's faces. Had he looked up after speaking he would have seen the sadness in Erica's frown, the stiffness in Boyd's shoulders, the slump in Jackson's posture, most importantly he would have seen the gutted look in Derek's eyes.  
In his rush out the door, Stiles had forgotten his hoody. It wasn't the first time that he had forgotten things in his haste to relieve the pack of his presence but he usually didn't forget his jacket, and he didn't usually have to walk home. His jeep had been fine getting him to the loft but had refused to start just a few hours later. He glanced back up to where he knew Derek's loft to be, he could see the dulled lights flashing against the dark windows as the movie played. 

His options were limited at this time. He could go back upstairs, get his jacket, and beg a ride off of Derek; he could call his dad and ask for a deputy to pick him up; or he could simply walk home. He didn't want to ask the Pack, he didn't want them to think that he was so pathetic that he needed help with every little thing; he didn't want to call his dad, the station was already low on deputies and his dad probably needed all available men on the streets. With that his decision was made. 

While the day had started out a beautiful 68 degrees, a cold front had hit that afternoon and the temperature had plummeted so that by time Stiles started his walk it was 42 and dropping. After a half-hour Stiles was truly feeling the weather through his trademark layers. The wind had picked up and with it came a light mist. He had finally decided to call his dad for a ride when he remembered that he had left his phone in his jacket pocket. He was well and truly stuck. At his point he was still closer to the loft than he was to his own home. He could simply turn around, get his phone, and call his dad. That would mean facing the Pack. They would think him so pathetic: he couldn't even handle going home without help. Embarrassment welled up in his chest; thick and heavy. No, he wouldn't turn back, he couldn't. He couldn't risk seeing the looks of disgust they would give him. 

His teeth chattered as he sped up his pace. The mist had picked up to a slow drizzle and Stiles was having difficulties walking with his wet jeans. Hoisting his backpack a bit higher, he trudged down the sidewalk and prayed for a random deputy on patrol. Sadly the warehouse district was empty but for the young researcher, all else had found cover from the rain. 

After ten more minutes the rain had picked up to a steady rhythm and had taken away the ability to see further than a few feet. All Stiles could hear was the pounding of the rain on the sidewalk and the buildings surrounding him. It was nearly 11 at night and all of the businesses had long since closed. He had moved past being able to feel his fingers and toes and now had pins and needles running up his legs with every step. His chest was tight, every breath made his throat wheeze, and his tongue felt too large for his mouth. He was glad for once that he had left his laptop at home but knew that all of his research would be ruined. 

All at once the world went completely dark. The storm had cut out the power for the area and all of the streetlights had gone with it. Stiles stood frozen; he was well and truly helpless now. The thought rippled across his mind as the pressure built in his chest. He gasped for air as the panic attack overtook him. 

How could he be so pathetic? Going into a full blown panic attack at a little darkness? No wonder the pack didn't want him; he didn't blame them. He was useless, inadequate. He couldn't even get home by himself. 

Through the rain, his own tears, and the black spots starting to appear on the edges of his vision all he could make out was the differences between the full darkness and the times when lightening would streak across the sky and light up the street. In less than a minute he was too far gone to even notice when the lighting shifted from random bursts to a solid glow. He couldn't hear the low thrum of the engine or the steady voice murmuring in his ear. He hadn't realized that there were hands on him until he was being picked up and moved into a dry space. 

After being moved out of the rain he was able to pick up on a few sounds around him, namely the low voice speaking to him is a slightly desperate tone. 

"Breathe," the voice said, "Come on Stiles, breathe." He was trying, couldn't the voice tell? He was trying to breathe but the only air he could get to pass through his lips was shallow and fast. His body was numb after going through the chilling rain and a severe panic attack. "Breathe." This time the voice was more of a low growl and was accompanied by a hand pressing against his chest, hot and heavy. The single word shocked him out of his gasping. 

"D'rek? Wha... What..." Derek hushed him gently, his hand rubbed a circle into Stiles' chest. 

After a few minutes Stiles had recovered enough to realize their current seating arrangement. The passenger seat of the Camaro had been pushed all the back, Derek had sat in it with his chest to Stiles back. Stiles could feel Derek's heat through the three layers between them. After one last shuddering breath Stiles began to calm. Derek, sensing this, let out his own shuddering breath and rested his head against Stiles shoulder. Neither spoke, the only sounds through the cabin were of their heaving breathing and the heater going full blast. Looking down, Stiles noticed that Derek still had his ever-present, leather jacket on. 

Stiles only thought was that the wolf must be burning up in the car. To Stiles the hot air was like a gift from God but he had been in the freezing rain for nearly an hour; to Derek the heat was probably stifling. Stiles reached across the car to turn the heat down but right as his fingertip reached the knob Derek's own hand slipped over his and pulled it back to their bodies.  
"What are you doing?" As Derek spoke he turned his head just so, leaving his forehead cradled in the dip of Stiles' shoulder; his warm breathe slipped over the soft tissue on the back of the teens' neck making him shiver. 

"You're probably burning up, I'm sorry, I was just turning the air down." His words were small and quiet and just the smallest bit shaky. With one last huff, Derek raised his head, Stiles missed the pressure on his neck immediately. 

"Leave it." Derek opened the door and maneuvered Stiles into the seat by himself. He slipped out into the rain, closed the door, and was in the drivers seat all in less than a minute. "I called your Dad. The powers gone out all across town so he's staying at the station tonight. You're staying at the loft." Stiles would have protested we're it not for the tone of finality that rung through the alpha's every word. He simply nodded and wrapped his arms around himself. While he had stopped shivering, his clothes were still soaking wet, leaving him with an uncomfortable chill. 

Derek reached into the backseat and pulled out Stiles' hoody. "Take those off, put this on." Next he slipped off his own jacket and handed it to Stiles. "This too." 

The teen's face flushed as he quickly stripped out of his wet shirts and shrugged the jackets on. His jeans were still sopping but there was little either could do. Apparently satisfied with the change, Derek shifted the car into drive and began making his way back to loft. 

"How did you know I was..." Stiles trailed off, unsure how the finish the sentence. 

"Scott called you. We heard your phone ringing in the other room. He was going to take it to you when he found the jeep." He paused long enough to look at at Stiles, "We thought someone had taken you." Stiles broke eye contact and shifted a little lower in his seat, his face burning with embarrassment. They didn't speak for the rest of the ride. 

Stiles was preparing for the scorned looks and scathing remarks that he knew the pack would give him but when they arrived the loft was empty.  
"Where is everyone?"

"Looking for you. Scott, Jackson, Erica, and Isaac are at the preserve and Boyd, Allison, and Lydia are checking out the rest of town." His embarrassment flared, smothering him as he choked on his shame.

His words stumbled out in a rush. "I-I'm sorry I-I didn't mean to bother you guys. The jeep wouldn't start and you were all having pack night and I didn't want to intrude." His breathe was fast and tight and his whiskey eyes were brimming with unshed tears as they darted around, trying to find a way to fix his mistake. 

"Shhh Stiles it's okay just breathe." Derek had moved to Stiles and was clutching him to his chest as he rubbed his back. After a few minutes Stiles had calmed and had avoided a second panic attack. 

"Sorry." Stiles stepped back as Derek released him from his hold. Stiles kept his head down as Derek watched him for a few moments. Derek heaved a great sigh. 

"Come on, let's get dried off." With one last glance the wolf led him to his room and quickly pulled out two pair of sweats and Tshirts. He changed quickly as Stiles fingered his offered pair. 

Derek cleared his throat, causing Stiles to finally look up at him. "I'm going to call everyone and update them. Go ahead and change." He exited the room already tapping on his phone. Stiles tugged off the jackets and slipped the shirt on before struggling out of his wet jeans and pulled the soft pants on. He treaded into the main room just as Derek was hanging up. 

"That was Scott, everyone's heading home to grab their stuff and they'll be back. They're all staying here tonight too." He hesitated then, "Stiles what were you doing out there?" 

"Going home." 

"You were going to walk ten miles in the rain?" Stiles had to look away from the disbelief on Derek's face. "Why not just come back upstairs? If you wanted to go someone could have taken you home." 

"You guys were having pack night, I didn't want to interrupt." His voice was small.

"Interrupt? Why would you be interrupting?" Stiles had never known Derek to be cruel but this… Did Stiles really have to say it? “Stiles?” Guess so. He took a deep breath, looked Derek in the eye and told him.

“I’m not pack.” Derek recoiled physically as if he had been struck. He looked away but not before Stiles saw the flash of pain in his eyes.

"Stiles even if you don't see yourself as pack you know we would take care of you." He hesitated then, "You're pack to us." Stiles looked up from where he had been glaring a hole into floor. He was confused. Why would Derek say that? Why make that lie? The more he studied Derek the more he realized that it wasn't a lie, Derek honestly believed that. 

"Why would I be?" The hurt was back in Derek's eyes. "I'm useless." All at once Derek's entire being shifted, his eyes grew hard, his open posture became ram-rod straight, and his mouth turned down into a pained frown. 

"Who told you that you were useless?" Even his voice had changed, whereas before it had been low and soothing it was now tight and angry. When there was no reply he stepped closer, "Stiles?!" The teen flinched away from the angry wolf. 

"No one. I just- I'm useless to the pack, all I can do is research why would I be part of it?" Once again Derek sighed, this time all of the anger seemed to slip out and he deflated. He stepped in close to Stiles and placed his hands on the boys cheeks. 

"Stiles listen to me. You aren't pack because of how useful you are. You're pack because you're here. You take care of us. You know how to help us at all times. You're pack because without you we would lose our minds. You have saved us as many times as we have saved you. We don't care if you can shoot or kill or research. We want you here because we trust you. I trust you." At the last statement he rested his forehead against Stiles' own. "We would be nowhere without you. I can't do this without you." His breath stuttered as if he had run miles. Stiles slipped his hands around Derek's wrists, looking into his hazel eyes. 

"Why?" The kiss Derek gave him in reply was simple and chaste. Stiles jerked away from him as if he'd been burned. He'd understood some of what Derek was saying but even with the kiss he didn't understand why. Derek just stood there looking lost and hurt. They stared at each other for a moment before Stiles finally broke eye contact and looked away. When he spoke his voice was rough, "You can't want me Derek. I'm not..." He broke off unable to put his feelings into words. 

"Not what?" The teen almost missed the question it was asked so quietly. 

"I'm not enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not strong enough. I can't let you settle for me, not when you deserve so much more." By the end of it he had tears slipping silently down his face. He had to make Derek understand, to do that he had to admit what Derek meant to him. He had tried so hard to stop himself from feeling anything for the alpha, especially when he thought he wasn't pack. 

Every time Derek took care of the pack the feelings grew. Whether it was helping them with their homework or cooking dinner before a meeting, anytime Stiles saw the man, the alpha, that Derek had become he fell just a little more. It didn't help that Derek was constantly saving his life. In those precious moments after Derek had sent the pack off to train and before Stiles packed up his his stuff to leave, when it was just Stiles and Derek, those were the moments when any hope of his feelings being a simple crush proved futile. The moments when Derek seemed to relax completely, when he was at peace. No matter what was happening around them it was as if the world was at rest, for a handful of silent moments it was only the two of them. Every time Stiles had to turn away and steel his heart lest the feelings grow. Every time he turned he would miss the sadness in Derek's eyes. 

"Stiles, I wouldn't be settling. You don't see it. You don't understand that you are everything to me." Derek was pleading now, begging Stiles to listen, "When I say I would be nothing without you I mean that I don't want to be anything without you. You're it. I would walk away from everything and leave Scott as alpha right now if you asked me. You are the bravest, strongest, kindest, most beautiful person I have ever met and I love you." Both men stood frozen after Derek's speech. 

Stiles bit his lip in an effort to stop the tears from splashing down his face. His choked out "Derek" was barely past his lips before the wolf had crossed the space and tugged the younger man to him. Derek buried his face into Stiles' neck as Stiles pressed his forehead into Derek's shoulder. His breathing slowed as his tears stopped. "I-"

"I know. Shh it's okay, I know." No matter how many times Derek said it Stiles still had the need to say it out loud. He pulled back far enough to mirror their position from earlier so that he had Derek's face cradled in his hands. 

"I love you, too." Once more Derek leaned his forehead to Stiles. They stood there breathing against each other. After a few moments Derek gave Stiles a peck on the lips and took a step back just as the rolling door opened and the rest of the pack walked in. Within the next five seconds Stiles was the focus of a group hug including five werewolves, one banshee, and one hunter. Derek stood just out of the group with a soft smile on his lips. 

"Dude you scared the shit out of us!" Everyone murmured in agreement with Scott. 

"What would I be without my Batman?" Erica asked from his left side. 

"Don't do that again Stilinksi." Surprisingly enough the last comment came from Jackson. It was at that that Stiles realized that he may have missed a few cues and that perhaps that pack really did see him as one of them. He looked at Derek who just nodded. 

"Alright let him breathe, Boyd, Jackson, go set up the mattresses. Scott check the generator make sure we have enough fuel to last through the night. Girls, go set up the movie." Lydia sent Derek a look, he humored her with a slight eye-roll and a wry smile. "Please." 

As everyone set off to their tasks Stiles looked to Derek to see if he would act as he always had. Perhaps he wouldn't want the pack to know. Maybe he didn't want to seem weak. As of sensing this, Derek stepped in once more and slipped his hands onto Stiles hips. After placing a light kiss on his forehead he lead him to where the mattresses were set up in the center if the room with the rest of the furniture pushed away. At Stiles' questioning look Derek simply said "pack-bonding" which Stiles took to mean puppy-pile. Derek tugged Stiles down next to him as he laid down. As everyone finished their tasks, changed, and slowly filtered onto the makeshift bed with Stiles and Derek, Stiles would tense at each new arrival. He feared the looks of disgust the he assumed he would receive. It was by no means astonishing, then that everyone who saw him cuddled up with his head resting on Derek's chest simply smiled. He thought he even saw Jackson's lip lift when Derek leaned down to huff a breath into Stiles hair. He gradually relaxed as the pack filled in the spaces around them. Erica snuggled into his back as Boyd looped an arm around her stomach and rested his head between her should blades. Lydia curled into Jackson with her back to Derek. Scott and Allison worked themselves into a complicated knot at everyone's feet and Isaac laid so that his arm reached down Boyd's back with Erica's head just below his stomach. The pack drifted to sleep around him as a random movie played out onscreen, just loud enough to be a slight murmur for the humans. 

For the first time ever Stiles felt whole, his pack surrounded him and the man he loved was holding him. He looked up at Derek and found him already watching him with the small smile from earlier. From the light of the TV he could just make out the words Derek mouthed to him. In reply he stretched up the wolf and kissed him for a long moment. It was by no means sensual, more a press of lips but when Derek brought his hand up to trace his thumb across Stiles' cheek bone the teen couldn't help but feel the intimacy of the moment. He smiled against Derek's lips and mouthed the words back. With one last kiss he settled back down against the alpha's chest and let sleep take him under as the storm raged outside.

 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Welp that's all folks! I want to thank my beta Georgia the German Ginger (I'm not making this stuff up!) If anyone feels like finding me on tumblr I'm at ryhftsterekotp.tumblr.com I don't post much because I haven't quite gotten the hang of tumblr yet so be warned!


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